At the age of 40, everything changed. Throughout my life I suffered from what I would call an unknown sadness a dark cloud that seemed to just follow me wherever I went. No matter what I did I could not escape the emotional and mental turmoil that plagued me. I felt like I was suffocating, and when I would go to sleep, I sensed that I was falling deeper and deeper into an endless dark well. I thought, if I just keep moving forward doing what needs to be done everything would be okay, but no.

One day, when I was out, I found myself driving over a bridge thinking, it would be just so easy to just drive over the edge and it would be all over. As I continued over the bridge, I realized how bad things had become. How could I feel this way, I have such a beautiful family, a home and a successful career. From my perspective, my life was perfect, so why did I feel this way, why couldn’t I participate and enjoy my beautiful life. The guilt and shame of how I felt just made things worse. As the thoughts of not wanting to be live became more frequent, I knew I needed help.

Soon, I found myself in a room full of strangers at a 5 day intensive work shop. All of us seeking something that just might change our lives for the better. I was terrified but knew that this is where I had to be. Then, on the 3rd night it happened. We were sent into our small groups, which consisted of 6 participates and a coach. As we moved into our group, the coach starts to describe the exercise, ” Okay I am going to ask each of you a question and I want you to answer it with the first thing that comes to your mind, and I don’t want you to think it away, just answer.”

So, she starts going around the group. I’m not really paying attention I’m so tired, I just want to go to bed. Eventually she makes it around to me, good it’s almost over, “Carmen, what is your biggest regret in your life?” A thought pops into my head, I stand there not able to speak, I’m thinking, I can’t say that. The organizer runs over saying,” Carmen say it, what is your biggest regret in your life”? The words literally come painfully from my gut, “That I was ever born”!

As the gravity of the words hit me, I start to collapse and sob uncontrollably. Someone reaches out and holds me, allowing me to move through my feelings. At the moment of saying the words that I was ever born, it was as if all the pieces of my life came together. For the first time I understood, why my life was the way it was, why I reacted to life and others the way I did and why I didn’t love myself.

The discovery of my core belief completely changed my life.

It took time and effort to heal, to let go of my past and move forward in my life but today I am not a woman that believes she should not have been born but a woman that loves herself and thrives in every area of her life.

As a life coach, I now dedicate my life to helping others move past what holds them back in life. I love watching each person discover and become all they are meant to be and to move into the life they desire.